Courtney Milan's Ten Reasons NOT to Buy Trial By Desire!

So exciting!!! It's hard to believe that October is finally here--along with the release of Ten Ways to Be Adored When Landing a Lord! To celebrate, I'm bringing back Authors Rule(s)! Over the next few months, to celebrate the release of Ten Ways, an amazing group of guest authors will join me to provide their own Ten Ways/Things/Reasons/etc.! There will be contests and giveaways and awesomesauce, and I'm super excited!

I'm particularly thrilled that today I get to launch October with the fabulous Courtney Milan, who burst on the scene last year with her debut romance, Proof By Seduction...and has just released her second book, Trial By Desire...which is receiving incredible reviews, including a starred Booklist review that calls her incandescent.  For the record, I have met Courtney, and I have to agree with this assessment! 

Here are Courtney's fabulously funny Ten Reasons Not to Buy TRIAL BY DESIRE--if they don't make you want to buy the book right this second, I don't know what will (except maybe that crazy hot cover?!)

Welcome, Courtney!

Trial by Desire is my second book, and it just came out this week. I realize that if I were a good author, I would try to convince you to buy Trial by Desire. But honestly, it gets a little wearying. All that pom-pom action, and a girl begins to get repetitive stress syndrome. So in the interest of my continued health, I present to you--Ten Reasons Not to Buy TRIAL BY DESIRE.

1. You need to save all your money to buy at least two copies of Ten Ways to be Adored when Landing a Lord.

2. Speaking of which, if this book had a rhyming, numbered title, it would be Three Things that kind of Rankle when You're Breaking your Ankle, which you have to admit is not nearly cool enough. Nor sufficiently high in numerosity.

3. The book starts off with a horse (of course), whose name is either Meat or Champion--depending on who you ask. It runs through a sheep dog by the name of Dobbin, and doesn't stop with a rooster named Kevin. Do you really want to read about animals with ridiculous names? Or is that, ridiculous animals with names? I can't even tell which one it should be, and I wrote the book.

4. Let's go back to that horse. Everyone knows that when the hero picks up a wounded, abused horse in the beginning of the book, by the end of the book he will turn into a fine racing animal who will save the day by winning enough money in the Royal Horse Tournament Cup Ascot to pay off the mortgage on the family cottage. But Champion (or Meat) doesn't ever race. There is no Royal Horse Tournament Cup Ascot. And Ned, my hero, doesn't have a family cottage--he has an entire manor--and he doesn't need money. Seriously. What kind of book is this?

5. Then there's my heroine. You might think you want to read about her--Lady Kathleen is shy, demure, and she loves to shop. Except, wait a second. Maybe she's not so shy--she has rescued six women from abusive husbands by the start of the book. And maybe she's not so demure: when her husband returns from China after three years' absence, she's the one who agitates for, ahem, marital relations to resume. But she does love to shop.

6. And what does she shop for? Nightwear. Everyone knows that heroines of the time period usually wore demure, linen nightrails to bed. But my heroine, Kate, purposefully departs from that norm. Twice. TWO TIMES, she chooses to garb herself in something other than the typical linen night rail. Why, why, why would she do that kind of thing? It is almost as if she wants someone to notice her. And do something about it. Shocking, scandalous girl!

7. It's even worse than the nighttime garb. Ladies in Victorian times don't speak about politics. Ladies don't speak about gentleman's wagers. And ladies don't speak about a gentleman's vegetables. Yet despite these well-known demands of etiquette, Lady Kathleen Carhart speaks about politics, wagers, and, most importantly, vegetables. She should be ashamed of herself. She isn't. Oh, Kate.

8. And while we're talking about shame, how about the scene where Kate walks in on Ned while he is... actually, I can't even make myself say it. He should totally be ashamed of himself, too! He isn't. Oh, Ned.

9. Also, peppermints. (Full disclosure: I am allergic to peppermints. They make me sneeze, which as you can imagine means I have to pick my brand of toothpaste Very Carefully.) My hero uses peppermints as an incentive. My heroine uses peppermints as a weapon. It's just not believable that two people, so utterly different, could come together and find love.

10. And finally, there's the title. Trial by Desire. It's misleading and inappropriate. The only trial in this book is conducted by Magistrate Fang, and so I'm just not sure what on earth I was thinking when I named the book. Trial by Fang has a much better ring to it, doesn't it?

I hope I have convinced you not to go to the store, not to take this book off the shelf, and to definitely not plunk your hard-earned money down for it. Do not buy this book--not unless you want to be accosted by peppermints, horses, and a heroine who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to wear a nightrail to get it.

Love! I cannot WAIT to read this book, which I will be doing today.  Literally. I am probably doing it right now.

Anyway...Contest! Courtney has generously donated a signed copy of Trial By the comments, tell us what your favorite book NOT to read is, and we'll choose a winner on Monday! **Don't forget to leave your email address so that we can reach you if you win!

Keep coming back for a dozen more Authors Rule(s) posts from an awesome range of authors! To read the existing Authors Rule(s), please click here!